as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
