someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
