Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She even gives head with a lisp.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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