I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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