no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She bit a glass in half.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
