sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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