It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
