well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
