M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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