I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
