I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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