I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
