i love accidental penises.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
