Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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