Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
