i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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