So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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