Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
