I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
