me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
