I met the friendliest cop last night
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
