how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
