Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
