are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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