You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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