Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
