What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
