You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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