clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
