420 ftw
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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