you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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