If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
