It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
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