It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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