Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
