I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
