we're blogging at a bar
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
