I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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