hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
