You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
