I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
