just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
