You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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