3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
