i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
