fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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