He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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