I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
