I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
