hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
