he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
