2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My hand turned me down
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
