Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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